The hate feelings beyond me.

Lifeless in home. Nothing to do. Find someone to chat also result in i force them to chat. Now is midnight, think too much. A opposite me appear now. A different me. I start to suspect myself in doing all the thingy. Feeling so bad now. Want him to understand as well. But still he didn't.All also want me to crop myself. Yala human can't always rely on anybody. They always say this to me, no true friends , nobody will always to treat you. No a dreamy relationship. All is a Lies beyond the true. This world is very cruel. Messy life don't know how to arrange them. A boring holiday, keep get murmured by family. Get scolded. What To DO. I want find him to chat , also get his cool words that make me dunno how to share with him. Or maybe I no make him feel like i am annoying is better right? Then no need to share. How to make my life own a slice of rainbow? A rainbow contain 7 in different colors. Multi-colors. It never been dark in color. It always bring me to the dream land. I hope i can live on it. Speechless :/ Everything is going rough during holiday. Dont feel like i mm in holiday now. Night.